The long-distance thong gone wrong

Earlier today my neighbor Irma came over carrying a big bouquet of a dozen red roses, a small package, and an exhausted smile on her face. She excitedly told Eka and I that her friend-who-wants-to-be-more-than-a-friend sent them to her from America. We’ll call this man Giorgi (because let’s face it, that’s probably his name anyway). Giorgi used to live in Samtredia ten years ago but he has since moved to Manhattan and started a successful hotel and Georgian restaurant.

For practically three years, Giorgi has been trying to win over Irma- all the way from New York.

The roses and gift he sent her were just another one of his ways to win her over. As Irma began to open the package, she unveiled a small silk make-up bag with the words ‘Victoria’s Secret’ printed on the front.

While Irma and Eka asked me who this Victoria was, I started to explain that ‘Victoria’s Secret’ is a popular store for women in the United States. I just happened to omit the fact that it’s known for its sexy lingerie.

Thus of course, after taking out a few lotions and body sprays, Irma pulled out a tiny, black lace thong from the silky bag and put it over her head. That’s right- she thought the thong was a headband. I watched in silence as Irma tried to maneuver the thong to fit on her head, deciding if I should say something or not.

Frustrated, Irma asked,“Is ra aris?” (What is this?)

Eka and I shared a quick smile before yelling, “Trusiki!” (Underwear!)

With the thong still on her head, Irma let out a loud gasp followed by, “Martla? ...Vaime!” (Really? …Oh my).

The three of us had a good laugh after that. Nothing is funnier than watching a conservative Georgian woman try to wear a Victoria’s Secret thong as a headband. When Eka and Irma began analyzing the situation, Irma turned to me to get my viewpoint on the whole matter.

In her Georgian-Russian Irma asked me, “Ehh, shto shen dimosh?” (What do you think?)

I hesitated for a second before I said, “Ya dumo ohn khochit shtota…” (I think he wants something…)

Without missing a beat, Eka sarcastically chimed in, “Da, pravda. Ohn khochit shtota” (Yes, that’s right. He wants something).

This promptly began a rant where Eka and Irma began to gather and confirm evidence that Giorgi is crazy. Granted, the fact that he sent a thong to his friend from 6,000 miles away seemed to fit in nicely with this conversation.

Crazy or not, I’m just excited to hear that this guy opened up a popular Georgian restaurant in New York City. I might just drop the name Irma when I’m back home and see if I can get some free khinkali.